How and why you must attune to your uniqueness.
Blessed Samhain and Full Moon to you!
I want to really drive home the most important thing I’ve learned as a musician, music teacher, and psychology graduate – valuing yourself, in all of your uniqueness, ugliness, and beauty.
Attune to Your Uniqueness
Honor your own energy and your own feelings, fiercely. Express them and explore them and embrace them at all costs.
Perhaps this might seem like trite advice, but when one takes it as a true value, it is in reality radical and revolutionary. You can no longer put up with others stepping on your emotional toes. You are unable to hide your goals and values, even ones that may be unusual or difficult for others to understand, and you will be forced to admit things that you wish weren’t true, or that may be taboo, but are nonetheless part of a reality that must be met face to face.
This is so much easier to say than to do. It is the importance and practice of the “doing” that is what I am trying to convey here.
Conformity and silence are survival mechanisms
I was a vulnerable teenager and experienced emotional and verbal abuse in several of my close relationships. Initially this left me as an insecure and anxious person, and as such I was always trying to hide parts of myself that I perceived as being difficult, embarrassing or “too much”. I would repress emotions and anger until I acted out against others or, more often, against myself. I obviously wasn’t aware at the time that this is what was happening. I just thought I was a “bad person”.
I had crippling performance anxiety that worsened well into my 20s. I internalized the voices of my harshest critics (who sadly were also the people I loved the most).
Abuse is always the fault of the abuser. But perhaps we subconsciously tolerate people around who give us an excuse to be less than we are capable of. We keep those around us that treat us the way we are used to or that we think we deserve. In that way the ego tries to keep us safe from the change that accompanies failure and success.
Wearing perfectionism as armour
In response, I demanded perfection of myself, as a musician, a partner, an environmentally conscious person, a student, and as an employee. I wore myself so thin. I strained relationships and became angry and withdrawn – which I viewed as a failure, which caused me to work even harder to try and correct. It was truly madness.
However, dysfunctional it truly was, these tendencies were protective mechanisms that my body and mind used to try to defend me. Leaving this behind is a continuous process and it is continually challenging. Every shred of authenticity is a tactical win in an ongoing war for harmony and honesty.
Letting down the guard
Every time you share yourself in a true and authentic way, it can feel like dying a little death. A death of pretention, ego, and protective mechanisms. It can be a death of the current social self.
It takes work, therapy, research, and continuing conscious action to unfold in this way.
Despite the effort and difficulty, the feeling is beyond worth it. The lightness and freedom to expand when you are not weighed down by this armor and the warmth and genuineness that come into your relationships with others and yourself is unbelievably liberating.
There is no safety
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that there is no level of prowess that will cause people to stop talking shit about you. You can be literally the best in the world at what you do and there will be no shortage of critics.
The alternate is also true – people that truly love you will love you regardless of whether you fail or make something stupid or have difficult emotions and problems. They will love your wrinkles and scars and eccentricities.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work on improving things or grow, but rather that problems and threats will always be there, so while there is “no safety” this paradoxically means that it is safer than you think.
However, the most important part is – Whether you are loved or hated, others really don’t spend that much time thinking about you at all.
Everyone has their own mess of goals and problems and emotions and errands and even if they think you are the absolute best or absolute worst, the amount of space you have in the heads of others (besides a spouse, best friend, child or parent) is microscopic.
You are responsible for the voices that live in your own head.
Choose what kind of problems you want to have
Because problems will never stop, some level of criticism and uncertainty and fear will never stop, choose what problems you want to have. Choose problems that light you up, that make you a better person, that help you express the divine energy that flows through you.
Fear of failure and fear of success is very real and can keep us trapped in the same routines, same issues. Nothing you do can ever make problems disappear, so try to choose the right problems.
Some basic tips
- Increase your self-worth by increasing your self-knowledge with journaling, dream journaling, and various forms of art
- Use some form of therapy: You can get free or low-cost counselling from so many places if you are willing to look for it. Not every therapist will work out for you, but that is part of the exploration. If you really hate this idea, buy a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy workbook or something similar.
- See how you can better meet your needs on the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs (this site has some great suggestions as well!).
- Check out the rest of the Magick Month days or the rest of this blog for ideas and tips on how to nourish your relationship with your spirituality, mind, body, and craft.
There is no such thing as a repressed emotion or self. It will come out in ways that can explode your whole life if you neglect to let the pressure off in a conscious and deliberate fashion. Focus on expressing what you feel, what you want, who you want to be. Not part time, not just when it is easy, but all the time, and most especially when it is difficult.
You are at your most valuable to others and to yourself when you are radically authentic. This is what will unlock your real potential for you, regardless of the difficulty. It takes braveness to attune to your uniqueness – bravery you already possess.
Thanks for reading!
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~ Blessed Be and Happy Creating ~
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